Goodbyes

Some goodbyes
humiliate death,
They make it merely a formality
that you crave to discharge,
And, death exacts its revenge
by avoiding you,

Some goodbyes
change meaning of being alive,
They freeze time for you,
Converting you into a frozen river:
a continuum without flow.

-Pulastya

Beauty and you...

Dear you,

I look at you and think- Oh, this is what beauty is!

In your shape and form.

Everything that claims beauty surrenders to you. A clear sunny morning dawns in your eyes, everyday. Two fruits of your lips, with life brewing in them, are fecund nature in peak youth flaunting itself. Smooth lines of your neck are a thousand years of caressing of river-bed by passionate stream. A reviving breeze is nothing but your tender touch, of love. Moon would have been  another rock in the endless universe if not for glow of your skin. It is your scent that makes air breath for me. Sea and sun laboured for eternity to lay the valleys and rises of the earth of your body. And, after first rain of season, nubile again earth has that intoxicating fragrance of your virginity.

For me, beauty is how everything relates to you, glows in your light, reminds me of you.

Even today.

Everyday, forever.

-Pulastya

What is beauty!

What is beauty!
Those moments of which I recall nothing
but a joyous, featherlight, blank;
and when those moments end
the last glimpse of that sweet feeling,
as if from a closing door comes a slit of light,
an utterance: oh, that was beautiful!
Those moments when death loses all its power
and with that the idea of time becomes meaningless,
with no need to separate
one moments from thousand others;
where length, as a dimension, is lost
and it is the depth, the final dimension,
that rises like a wave,
when it is not fear but desire
that makes me feel alive.
But, then love could be described similarly?
Yes.
Perhaps, beauty and love are like mother and child:
they originate from each other,
who from whom,
and who is who,
impossible to know.

-Pulastya

Secrets

You are right about all having secrets, as all have carcasses of dead desires which if not buried in time and in the deep dark places will start stinking and declaring their presence. Human existence is not about knowing a path and following it, it's about that random movement of chasing desires. Desires of body, of mind; desires borne of fighting the persistent sense of insecurity, where our own mortality weighing on us and desires working both as a distraction and purpose of life.

I wonder though, what a beautiful thing desire is? In its pure, basic and most complete i.e. 'not fulfilled yet' form (like virginity is ' not fulfilled yet' form of motherhood), completely away from any blemish of reality, much before the onset of decay- which starts when one goes on to fulfil a desire in real world. In its purest form, in the head as a thought, desire lives as filtered essence, so pure that there is no difference in fuel and fire, they are one and the same.

Man is compulsive about converting an alluring thought into action, about transporting a beautiful desire into real world. And the curse of real world is that here nothing can exist in pure form, to survive beauty has to mix with mess, fragrance with stink, joy with irony..after all real world is a world owned by death and it doesn't allow entry without seeding itself in to everything. And death is a creeper, it spreads, devouring the whole eventually, and leaving only a carcass behind, carcasses of dead thoughts, dead desires and dead things. And all carcasses demand to be buried, in dark places, in the abyss.

-Pulastya

Fatal love....

Marooned in the deep end of love
I drift with the tender winds,
that carry your scent,
towards the deepest end.....

Love,
having given me eyes to absorb all the beauty in the world,
has now gently blinded me
with this desire to climax,
thus sealed my fate:
one day, to be drowned
without leaving a trace.....

-Pulastya

Happiness

Dear Friend,

While age is on your side, you have the biggest gift, the gift of possibilities. Numerous possibilities of vocation, daily routine, love, and legacy. And " possibilities" are the only source of happiness. Any action/ achievement that doesn't bring in more possibilities will not make you happy. Class rank brings in possibilities ( of "bright!" future), "good" job  brings in possibilities ( of a "fulfilling!" future), love brings in possibilities (of companionship, of joy, of children), and therefore, they are source of happiness, to that extent.

So choose your actions wisely, understanding fully well what kind of possibilities you want to create, and whether these possibilities will create base for more, or the chain is going to terminate at some point. Please also be aware that once you choose you forfeit all other choices in the category available at that time, because choice needs to be worked upon for a period of time to covert it into actualised possibility, and by the time you realise that you made a wrong choice the time for  picking up another option has passed. If you don't find MBA worth while now you can't go back in time and start over? Not impossible, but only at the cost of precious time.

Biggest mistake people make is to keep repeating the act which brought them happiness when they did it the first time. Possibility, once attained doesn't remain a possibility any more, it becomes achievement, a trophy, and trophies are always the past. In past lies only a memory of happiness, and only thing it causes in present is the melancholy. Happiness is always a thing of future, never past. A thing of possibilities, not trophies. A good possibility, which once attained, will explode in to new possibilities for sustained happiness.

One big trick for sustained happiness is to run after a long term possibility. And " run" here means to structure your daily life in alignment with what is necessary for achieving that possibility.  Of course breaking it down into a few landmark events will help in assessing the progress and realigning the course.

Most of us become accustomed, by way of daily practice, to certain kind of actions and find it easy repeating them.  Such as doing our job, social behaviour, and to some extent our emotional life is governed by such actions. We need to remind ourselves that these actions were means to an end, not the end itself. People start tricking themselves in believing that possibilities borne of only these  actions will make them happy. That's a big mistake. You should never let ease of performing a practiced action be the reason for chasing a possibility.

 And, that's the biggest harm that a daily job does to you. It becomes easy to do and thus lures you to build possibilities only around it; such possibilities which you may not even want.

I wish you a very happy birthday and a future filled with sustained possibilities of your choice. One can use birthday to actually count one's possibilities; and, in case, if you choose to do that, I wish you an endless list.

With love and best wishes,

-Pulastya

Made of only you

My burning desire,
My languid relief,
My baby like sleep,
My irrational hope,

My wrenching heartache,
My bleeding sorrow,
My unending insomnia,
My lonely dread,

With you,
after you,

I am made of
Only You.

-Pulastya