It is already a doomed effort not to think about her. The effort itself makes the endeavour impossible; for, the harder one tries to forget, the more one is reminded. Trying to forget becomes an act of remembering in reverse; more painful too.
And these thoughts about her, even as something intangible, are physically destructive; no worldly action is required by one to implode of them.
They are narcotics which enslave and disconnect brain from body, rendering body nonfunctional.
And, here, it goes a step further. Brain, in case of narcotics, still allows body to function as a conduit for ingesting of substance, but here, since thoughts themselves are narcotics, body has no utility at all.
Narcotics are assimilated by body, only resultant impulse is sent to the brain. Thus, for that impulse brain still remains dependent on body, forcing the effect to remain bound by physical laws: attaining peak and then fading, letting body reconnect with brain and become conscious of its needs again. Of course, serving the addiction still remains its top priority by far; yet, however improbable, a path to salvation still remains open in curing the body.
But, thinking-about-her has no such constraints, and intensity rises and rises till mind become one with her, and body is lost irrecoverably.
There is no saving from it, unless an external rescue intervenes shaking out of the singularity of passion for her. And when that happens withdrawal symptoms are stunning. There is no recovery, or guilt; but sole, and unlimited, desire to jump back into the abyss again, to feel that freedom from gravity in the free fall again.
Further, augmented by knowledge that body and mind will disintegrate much before the final thud, when bottom is hit, such an end seems even more alluring. It’s not just free from pain, but is a beautiful trap for consciousness, where a dream slowly melts into darkness and darkness itself becomes the vision of dream.
Darkness and dream merging into one and eternally eliminating the need to wake up.
It is a journey to a point at distant horizon, where sleep and awareness have no separate existence, where they become one and the same.
-Pulastya
And these thoughts about her, even as something intangible, are physically destructive; no worldly action is required by one to implode of them.
They are narcotics which enslave and disconnect brain from body, rendering body nonfunctional.
And, here, it goes a step further. Brain, in case of narcotics, still allows body to function as a conduit for ingesting of substance, but here, since thoughts themselves are narcotics, body has no utility at all.
Narcotics are assimilated by body, only resultant impulse is sent to the brain. Thus, for that impulse brain still remains dependent on body, forcing the effect to remain bound by physical laws: attaining peak and then fading, letting body reconnect with brain and become conscious of its needs again. Of course, serving the addiction still remains its top priority by far; yet, however improbable, a path to salvation still remains open in curing the body.
But, thinking-about-her has no such constraints, and intensity rises and rises till mind become one with her, and body is lost irrecoverably.
There is no saving from it, unless an external rescue intervenes shaking out of the singularity of passion for her. And when that happens withdrawal symptoms are stunning. There is no recovery, or guilt; but sole, and unlimited, desire to jump back into the abyss again, to feel that freedom from gravity in the free fall again.
Further, augmented by knowledge that body and mind will disintegrate much before the final thud, when bottom is hit, such an end seems even more alluring. It’s not just free from pain, but is a beautiful trap for consciousness, where a dream slowly melts into darkness and darkness itself becomes the vision of dream.
Darkness and dream merging into one and eternally eliminating the need to wake up.
It is a journey to a point at distant horizon, where sleep and awareness have no separate existence, where they become one and the same.
-Pulastya
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